Navigating Relationships During Retirement
Retirement brings many life changes. Some you will expect, but some others may show up unexpectedly. One thing a lot of people don’t think about is how retirement changes your relationships. You may not consider that things will be different between you and your spouse, your children, or your friends once you retire, but the reality is that things tend to change quite a lot.
Understanding these changes, why they happen, and how you can maintain healthy bond when you retire will help you handle your retirement relationships.
The Challenges for Couples
When you and your partner were working (even if one of you was working while the other was at home), you had time apart from one another. Now that you’re retired, you might be happy to spend more time with your spouse, but the truth is that can be tough. Even the strongest couples can have tension and stress arise when you’re around each other 24/7.
You may feel like your personal space is being invaded, you might start getting into more arguments than you have in the past (and over seemingly smaller and smaller things!), and there’s a good chance you’ll want some time apart. Of course, if you don’t go about telling your partner this in a kind and supportive manner, you may offend them or hurt their feelings, which can cause even more problems.
It’s important that both you and your partner have your own hobbies and interests and that you give one another the time and space you both need to pursue them. When you do spend time together, try to make it quality time doing things that you both enjoy. Consider adopting new routines, like taking daily walks with each other or attending local events. Doing so will help strengthen your bonds with each other, while spending time apart will give you both the personal space you need.
Retirement and Parent-Child Relationships
Your relationship with your children (and any grandchildren you have) will change when you retire. For instance, there’s a good chance you’ll want to spend more time with your children now that you have more time. However, it’s important to appreciate that while you’ve been working, your children have grown into adults with their own lives. It may not be easy for them to find time to spend with you.
Try not to take this personally and instead recognize that they’re probably in the busiest part of their lives right now. Talk to them about how you’re feeling but be respectful of their time. Scheduling time to spend together can help a great deal. For instance, plan weekly or monthly dates where you can get together.
If you have grandchildren, retirement can be a great opportunity to spend more time with them. Your children may appreciate the extra childcare as well. However, it’s important to set boundaries here–in both directions.
You may want to see your grandchildren more often, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll want to babysit them every weekend or pick them up from school five days a week, for instance. Your children, on the other hand, may be happy to have you around more often, but they’ll have their own family activities that they’ll want to do on their own.
Again, it’s important to have an honest and respectful talk with your children. Learn what expectations they have and tell them what you expect.
Staying in Touch with Friends
If you’re retired but some of your friends are still in the workforce, it can be a challenge to find time to see each other. You may have more free time right now but remember that many of your friends may not. At the same time, your friends might think that since you’re now retired, you have all the time in the world, so they might expect you to make time for them whenever they want it.
Having an organized social life and planning events with friends in advance will help solve both problems. Start using your calendar and get planning!
Maintaining Relationships with Former Coworkers
Many people form strong relationships at work. You see your coworkers every day for years and it’s only natural that you bond with them. When you retire, it can be difficult to maintain these friendships. For one, a lot of the bond you shared was likely talking about work. Once you’re no longer working, you’re not a part of the day-to-day hustle and bustle. This means it might make it harder for you to participate in these talks. Over time, you may start to feel less close with your former coworkers for this reason.
It doesn’t necessarily have to happen though. You can find other interests that you share and make these the foundation of your relationship going forward.
Redefining Your Relationships in Retirement
The truth is that retirement will change your relationships. Going on as if everything is the same as it once was may not work. Be open and honest about things with your partner, your children, your friends, and your former coworkers. You might need to change how you interact with people or find new things to bring you together, but adapting to change is a part of building strong retirement relationships.
It’s also important to remember that you’ll make new friends and forge new relationships in your retirement life. For instance, you might spend less time with your former coworkers now, but you may find new friends at the local community center. Redefining relationships and building new ones is an important part of your retirement lifestyle.
